december twenty-third


I always forget how much I hate this time of year because there’s nothing to do. That was us today — a bunch of relatively bored people. The size of our apartment exacerbates our sullen moods, because there’s nowhere to go to get away from everyone else. I was rather frustrated with a clingy Raspberry today. She gets this way when I’m around, wanting me to play with her or suggest things she could do. When she’s with Lucas, she’s likely to play more independently. I lost it with her a few times today and before dinnertime, I laid down on the bed in the dark, hiding out (unsuccessfully) from her.

Lucas played Legos and blocks with her this morning, allowing me to take some time to fix up a map of an English border. She dressed up a tower Lucas made in her dress and sweater and that made me shake my head in bemusement. We spent a bit of time drawing — something she hasn’t done a lot of lately — but she got bored of that quickly. She often seems so bored with the toys she does have, despite the fact that there’s the potential to be creative with almost all of it. We went out for a walk in the afternoon, taking advantage of the sunny but somewhat cold weather. We were off to the bank and the kitchen store, where there’s a play kitchen for Raspberry to indulge in (pretty much the only reason we go there). While we were out, I wondered out loud what we did at this time last year. “We went to the kitchen store,” replied Lucas and my mouth dropped open in mock horror, as I remembered us being the only people in there on a snowy Christmas Eve. Ack. Talk about coming full circle? This time, the store was busy and there was another kid playing with the kitchen set — a kid whose mum (I think) calls Raspberry “Rora.” We had to leave earlier than expected because Raspberry had to pee. Despite having to do so, she dawdled, asking our opinions on all kinds of cookie cutters and even on the most ridiculous items (oven racks). I didn’t want to, but we went to Tim Horton’s the use the bathroom. This location is frequented by more than a handful of chain-smoking bums and I figured their bathrooms would be kinda gross. The women’s bathroom was locked (in use, perhaps) so Lucas took her into the men’s. “Hold her over the toilet!” I called grumpily. He wasn’t used to doing so and had little concept of how females should position themselves when they pee and as a result, Raspberry got the back of her jeans wet. I carried her part of the way home, annoyed that this had happened. My response to the incident is indicative of how my mood has been lately. I’m not really sure why, but I think I can at least blame my hormones in part (and the boredom). Hopefully it’ll be better soon, because I don’t like feeling this way and I’m sure Lucas and Raspberry would appreciate it too. At least the library is open in the morning tomorrow, so there’s something to do. We might go out to the coffee shop for a treat too, barring crazy crowds. UGHHHHH. I just want the holidays to end so we can at least have something moderately interesting or even normal to do.

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